chang*

503 – that’s the number of the block where i spent the first 12 years of my life. i remembered the day i moved out with my family – it was christmas eve and it was raining – into our new apartment smelling of fabuloso detergent and sanity.

as is often the case, i ‘happened to in the neighbourhood’ and decided to look around the estate that shares the same age as me. that was about where the similarity ended, for i felt like the stranger evolved from a traitor. i was the one who left after all, as was more expedient, considering the alternative. time is a great whitewash, for the peals of laughter i once helped to create are no longer audible. they say that kids can hear at frequencies adults can’t. i guess i am no longer a kid.

it is an unwritten decree that once hdb estates reach the ripe old age of 20, they are to be dressed up in garish colours. in fact, the louder the better. nothing like a good old splash of colours to liven up the mood a little. so the freshly adorned blocks of flats stand at attention, no matter that there is a limit to how tall they can stand, doing their best to fill the role that they have been cast in – laughing stocks in the drama of renewal.

i took the lift to the 8th storey of block 503, the top storey may i add. the lift now stops at every floor, no doubt because of certain vote-garnering measures, i’m sure. it used to stop only at the 1st, the 4th and the 7th storey. as i exited, i glanced to my right across the street and saw the pap kindergarten i used to attend. to the left was a ledge, painted a gaudy maroon, upon which a row of crows were perched, cackling to be shot at gunpoint. of course that was not going to happen, not in this country anyway. i quietly edged towards the unit where i used to live in. at that point, i suddenly got the irrational feeling that i was not supposed to be there. it was as though every step that took me nearer was a grave transgression of its own. i just stood at the bend, 2 units away, and peered, hoping that the door would be closed. it was, and i am glad it was.

i left after about a minute, went down back towards the void deck. there was nothing much other than a rusty yellow bicycle chained to a stand (that maroon again!), some wrinkled malay uncles chatting at the stone chess table and those whitewashed pillars that i was so well acquainted with as a speed-loving, crash dummy adolescent on my bmx. stepping out into the dull glow of the cloudy afternoon i thought about solar panels and how they were only effective in strong sunlight. but then to power the engines of nostalgia, the dull glow of cloudy afternoons are perfect, thank you very much.

my primary school was about a few hundred metres away. it looked different, not the grey-white structure that i used to hate but would now adore. it was now, like most things, cheerfully resplendent in red, yellow and blue (3 cheers for the brighter end of the colour palette, people!). the skeleton of the place was still there, i could easily navigate the school. when you once spent 6 years in a place, forgetting it is hard work.

walking around, i heard some kid banging out rolls and flourishes on the drum set in the music room. if he was indeed a primary school kid, he was really quite good. maybe he’s one of those kids always held back by his peers and by circumstances. sure, your feathers may be a shade brighter but hey, no kid who desires approval would fly solo. i know that feeling.

the table tennis room was still in the same place – the afternoons i spent with that black contraption which kept spitting orange balls at me in random directions. sometimes i wonder if i could have spent my time better, make better decisions. like that time when i consumed a huge bowl of ‘yong tau fu’ with too much of its too rich gravy during recess and threw up in one of the science labs, as the equally stomach-churning glass jars of preserved snakes will attest to. or those times when i kept trying to feed the birds through the metal cage of the school aviary and got my fingers nipped again and again, as though by repetition i could attain some form of higher knowledge. i was a kid after all, and when you are a kid, you  believe.

for more on my thought, click here.

6 days, away from the world, spent in fellowship with like-minded people in Christ. it was good.

to view the rest of the pictures, visit my flickr. click here.

to view more posts on my thoughts, click here.

haven’t been posting because i was away for a week. do check back in a couple of days.

clockwise from top: “going under”, “untitled”, “kink in the system”, “shadow of its former self”.

there is something about old hdb estates that enchants – walls peeling to reveal the whitewash beneath; gaudy coats of paint that bring to mind the images of tarty has-beens; and of course rusty wares casually strewn around, yet they seem to be loosely bound by some sort of order. the cheerful shrieks of mischievous kids running past the dirt and the grit providing a melody, while the thumping of jackhammers hold the rhythm – an unlikely soundtrack to the scene. it’s in these places that a memory or a curse can be found around the next corner. it’s in these places that things are found.

to see the rest of the pictures on my flickr, click here.

to view more posts on photography, click here.

the above are a few from yesterday’s walkabout around town. it was great spending a day just milling about, looking out for interesting sights and chatting with kyle, who brought his camera along too. we managed to cover the esplanade/singapore river area before lunch. the bright sun with the appearance of a fine day disappeared shortly after we had a chance to explore the tanjung pagar area a little, after which a light rain nudged us towards a starbucks for a coffee. we then walked about ann siang hill and club street, then back towards the cbd area when the rain subsided, squinting up at the towers and shooting a bit more, and watched as the great cauldron of the sky brewed it dark magic and as anticipated, rained on our parade. it was time to head home anyway.

to view the rest of the pictures, which can be found on my flickr, click here.

for more posts on photography, click here.